Friday, March 05, 2004

The result of the Atkins craze? People are still fat, and now their cholesterol is higher too.

A new set of studies released by the Mayo Clinic and the American Heart Association show that the low-carb craze has caused Americans to eat more fat and cholesterol without appreciably reducing their overall obesity.

The summary: Americans eat too much, eat too much fat, and don't eat enough fruit, vegetables, and fiber.

Get this through your heads people, the way to lose weight is to--stop the presses--eat less, eat better, and exercise more. Alas, as long as people can make a buck by selling the "eat whatever you want and lose weight" diet, Americans will be lardasses.
Woman finds severed thumb in salad

Once, when I was flying on Midwest Express, I found a live bug in my salad. The flight attendants were so horrified that they said I could have whatever I wanted. My friend Chris Musto, with whom I was travelling, loved the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies Midwest provides on its flights, so I asked if they could bring him an extra cookie. They brought him an extra two dozen cookies, which he wolfed down in less than three minutes.

I wonder what they would have done for me if I found a thumb?

Many thanks to Lang Whittaker at Slam Online for pointing out the link!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Sorry officer, I couldn't see the road from my position!

Heather Specyalski of Middletown Connecticut is using a novel defense against second-degree manslaughter charges in the fatal crash that killed Neil Esposito. Prosecutors allege that Specyalski was driving Esposito's convertible when it crashed on the side of the highway.

Specyalski's defense is that the accident occurred while she was performing oral sex on Esposito, who was the actual driver. In support of her claim, her attorney cited the fact that Esposito's pants were down.

The prosecutor, Assistant State's Attorney Maureen Platt, dismissed the defense's claims.

"His pants could have been down because he was mooning a car he was drag racing," Platt said. "His pants could have been down because he was urinating out of a window. His pants could have been down because he wasn't feeling well."

I dunno, I think I have to go with the defense on this one!
Banned in the USA

From D. H. Lawrence to Luther Campbell and 2 Live Crew to Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," is there any better way to make a mint than to court controversy and boycotts?

The latest is David and Goliath, a small T-shirt company, sold $250,000 T-shirts over the Internet in one week, after media controversy erupted over their "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" T-shirt. While protestors succeeded in getting the T-shirts banned from some retailers, clearly all they did was provide a huge boost to the company's business.

Of course, controversy isn't foolproof. Anyone heard from Andrew Dice Clay recently?

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

And after that, I did some Donkey Kong for my abs....

Who says that videogames make people fat? Tanya Jessen of Seattle lost 95 pounds by playing Dance Dance Revolution.

Of course, if you'd rather cut the flab by playing Grand Theft Auto instead, you might try this invention.

I've experienced some of the wonders of videogame exercise myself--I once played one of those boxing games where you control your fighter using sensor gloves. It was one of the best workouts I've had, plus I didn't have to get my face beat to a pulp to experience it.

Mark my words, sooner or later, some enterprising personal trainer will use an online gaming network to create a virtual fitness class.