Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men

The Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men

In a recent GQ article, New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady, the golden boy of the NFL, revealed that he was a frequent sampler of Internet pornography. I think I sense a business opportunity....

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Are you a red-blooded American male, over the age of 18, who likes to see women engaging in sex acts by themselves or with men, women, animals, or household appliances?

Are you perplexed by the dizzying array of pornography available on the Internet?

Are you tired of visiting Web sites like SuperHardCoreBarelyLegalSluts.com that simply don't live up to their name?

Hi, I'm two-time Superbowl MVP Tom Brady. When I'm not leading the New England Patriots to yet another championship, modeling, or banging smoking hot movie stars, I'm just a regular guy. And like other regular guys, I like to surf for Internet pornography on a daily basis.

After a long day of passing drills or underwear modeling, nothing relaxes me like sitting down in front of my 60-inch plasma monitor and surfing for some quality filth.

And like the rest of you, I've gotten frustrated with endless pop-up ads, spyware, and sites that simply don't deliver on their promises. Sometimes I've been so frustrated that I've had to resort to opening my front door and letting in the more-or-less permanent set of horny groupies who camp outside my mansion to drown my disappointment in over-the-top group sex.

That's why I've started the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men.

The Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men takes the guesswork out of your search for fine quality sexual stimulation. Our dedicated team of pornography connoisseurs works around to clock to review the 10,000 new porn sites that get started every day, as well as checking back in on old favorites.

We scrutinize each and every site for security, navigability, and arousal factor, and rate them using our exclusive one to five touchdown scale.

Plus, the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men comes with something no other service has: my personal guarantee. I review each and every one of our five-touchdown selections, and if it doesn't pass the Tom Brady touchdown test, we don't put it on our site.

I also use my real-life experiences to prevent our members from being taken in by false advertising. For example, this site claims to have nude photos of Tara Reid. Let me tell you, I am familiar with every inch of Ms. Reid's firm young flesh, and these pictures are bogus.

On the other hand, these pictures of Bridget Moynahan are the real deal. If you look in the corner, you can even see my Superbowl MVP trophy.

So whether you're a Pro Bowl wanker who's spanking the monkey five times a day, or you need Viagra just for your annual appointment with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, trust the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men to meet all your nasty, hardcore, barely legal needs.

Remember, at the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men, I'm not just the founder, I'm a member.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go upstairs and masturbate.

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