Friday, August 26, 2005

Fake The Funk On A Nasty Dunk

Fake The Funk On A Nasty Dunk

Get ready for a hip-hop streetball MMOG. When is someone going to come out with the MMO version of DopeWars? Oh wait, they already have.

Microsoft, the hunted?

Microsoft, the hunted?

Interesting guest post on Om Malik's blog about how Google is taking aim at Microsoft by creating free services that will do everything for which Microsoft sells software.

Isn't it ironic? Microsoft might fall victim to its own "cashectomy" strategy!

Lies, All Lies!

Lies, All Lies!

Ever seen these quotes?

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication."
— William Orton, president of Western Union, in 1876, when Alexander Graham Bell tried to sell the company his invention.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
— Charles Duell, U.S. Patent Commissioner, 1899.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
— Harry Warner, Warner Bros., as movies with sound made their debut in 1927.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
— Bill Gates, Microsoft co-founder, 1981.

All lies. As it turns out, these quotes were either fabricated or taken out of context to construe a meaning completely the opposite of what was intended.

And yet, we believed them. I guess it's human nature to want to hear that human inventiveness has always made a mockery of those who fight against progress.

Man Forced To Have Sex At Gunpoint

Man Forced To Have Sex At Gunpoint

This story cries out for commentary.

So this guy is walking along when three young women in a maroon BMW ask for directions to the Savoy Hotel.

He gets into the car and leads them to the hotel, where they persuade him to join them for a drink.

After that, they ask him to lead them to another hotel.

Along the way, they drive him to an empty field. One woman brings out a gun and holds him at gunpoint. The others disrobe and take turns having sex with him. Presumably they switched off when it was time for the gunwoman to have her turn as well.

When they were done, the women drove him back to the main road and dropped him off.

The interesting thing is that many people, including me, have the typical response: "Hey, what's wrong with having sex with a couple of young women? Besides, if you joined them for a drink and were taking them to another hotel, you were probably hoping to get lucky anyways."

Yet imagine if I told the same story again, but switched the genders. Would there be anyone who didn't see it as a clear case of rape?

I find it interesting that most of us still adhere to a double standard.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

You And Me, We're Going To Live Forever

You And Me, We're Going To Live Forever
Perhaps I spoke too soon about not being able to extend lifespans. Scientists have discovered a protein, which, when genetically engineered into mice, extends their lifespans by 20-30% with seemingly no ill effects.

If you thought Viagra was big, just wait and see what happens when we have pills that can give you an extra 20 years of life!

The Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men

The Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men

In a recent GQ article, New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady, the golden boy of the NFL, revealed that he was a frequent sampler of Internet pornography. I think I sense a business opportunity....

**********

Are you a red-blooded American male, over the age of 18, who likes to see women engaging in sex acts by themselves or with men, women, animals, or household appliances?

Are you perplexed by the dizzying array of pornography available on the Internet?

Are you tired of visiting Web sites like SuperHardCoreBarelyLegalSluts.com that simply don't live up to their name?

Hi, I'm two-time Superbowl MVP Tom Brady. When I'm not leading the New England Patriots to yet another championship, modeling, or banging smoking hot movie stars, I'm just a regular guy. And like other regular guys, I like to surf for Internet pornography on a daily basis.

After a long day of passing drills or underwear modeling, nothing relaxes me like sitting down in front of my 60-inch plasma monitor and surfing for some quality filth.

And like the rest of you, I've gotten frustrated with endless pop-up ads, spyware, and sites that simply don't deliver on their promises. Sometimes I've been so frustrated that I've had to resort to opening my front door and letting in the more-or-less permanent set of horny groupies who camp outside my mansion to drown my disappointment in over-the-top group sex.

That's why I've started the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men.

The Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men takes the guesswork out of your search for fine quality sexual stimulation. Our dedicated team of pornography connoisseurs works around to clock to review the 10,000 new porn sites that get started every day, as well as checking back in on old favorites.

We scrutinize each and every site for security, navigability, and arousal factor, and rate them using our exclusive one to five touchdown scale.

Plus, the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men comes with something no other service has: my personal guarantee. I review each and every one of our five-touchdown selections, and if it doesn't pass the Tom Brady touchdown test, we don't put it on our site.

I also use my real-life experiences to prevent our members from being taken in by false advertising. For example, this site claims to have nude photos of Tara Reid. Let me tell you, I am familiar with every inch of Ms. Reid's firm young flesh, and these pictures are bogus.

On the other hand, these pictures of Bridget Moynahan are the real deal. If you look in the corner, you can even see my Superbowl MVP trophy.

So whether you're a Pro Bowl wanker who's spanking the monkey five times a day, or you need Viagra just for your annual appointment with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, trust the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men to meet all your nasty, hardcore, barely legal needs.

Remember, at the Tom Brady Internet Porn Club For Men, I'm not just the founder, I'm a member.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go upstairs and masturbate.

Yes Virginia, There Is A Housing Bubble

Yes Virginia, There Is A Housing Bubble

Just when you thought the housing bubble bubble had burst, here's another piece from Robert Shiller.

I had a discussion of this with my friend Michele at lunch. She argued that the presence of so many Google millionaires would exempt the Bay Area from the need to conform with reality. I'm not so sure.

As the old saying goes, what goes up, must come down.

Link-O-Rama

When there's too little time for lengthy posts, it's time for another edition of Link-O-Rama!

While I want to live forever, perhaps calorie restriction isn't the way to go. This quote sums things up perfectly: "What a trade-off: Feeling hungry your whole 80+3 years, or just enjoy your meals and die at 80."

Why is Snoop Dogg beloved by the street and Street alike? Somehow, Snoop has managed to rake in huge mainstream endorsement bucks while maintaining his street cred. How is it that a convicted felon who is an avowed drug user and who makes pornographic films can also be a mainstream pitchman for Chrysler automobiles? And how is it that a man who has put his name on everything and lives in a mega-mansion is never accused of selling out?

I think it comes down to this: Snoop is authentic. He lives the way he wants to live, without being bound to any stereotypes of what a rapper, businessman, filmmaker, or football coach should be. And in an age of irony, we respect a man who says, "WTF," and does what he feels like doing.

Real women yes. Real men no. An unfortunately offshoot of the wildly popular "Real Women" ad campaign for Dove beauty products is this un-beauty shot of the tight-whitey clad members of Ogilvy's Düsseldorf team of admen.

The lesson here is that women and men like to look at women, and women are sexy regardless of whether or not they subsist solely on a diet of celery. Men on the other hand, are pretty ugly unless they're professional models.

Speed is creativity. With apologies to Jackie Fisher (and hopes that this credo holds more true than Jackie's famous "speed is armor" quote), the redoubtable Kathy Sierra writes about the power of shutting a bunch of people in a room and asking them to build something (a screenplay, a game, an album) in 24 hours. As Kathy points out, the key is that A) the speed forces you to suspend your inner critic and simply do, and B) the cameraderie and close quarters let you feed off each others' energy.

After reading her post, I was eager to find an opportunity to do my own hack-a-thon.

Why collect baseball cards, when you can collect scientist cards? I wonder how much a Stephen Hawking rookie card is going for?

Just in time for back to school, it's Klingon Fairy Tales. My favorite is "Goldilocks Dies With Honor at the Hands of the Three Bears," though I'm disappointed that the list does not include any actual Klingon words.

Just in time for back to school, it's a new drug that offsets the effects of sleep deprivation. Boy, I could use a case of that!

Jason Bateman was great in "It's Your Move" but this Jason Bateman is pretty good at writing quizzes. Try her 3 Variable Funny Test to see how your sense of humor stacks up. I'm ashamed to admit that my "Spontaneous/Vulgar/Light" triad classifies me in the Jimmy Kimmel/Johnny Knoxville category. Noel Coward I ain't.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Bumvertising?

Bumvertising?

You know that the advertising craze is getting out of hand when someone starts using the homeless as an advertising medium.

The sad thing is that if this mania continues, the category of "residentially challenged advertising media" might start to draw venture investments.

Throwaway Startup Idea Of The Day

Throwaway Startup Idea Of The Day
The local blog search engine/aggregator:

Just put in your city or zipcode, and the service generates a special page of content with latest and greatest posts by bloggers in your area, or mentioning your area.

You could use algorithms to decide which posts were most relevant based on trackbacks, comments, etc.

People could also add their own blog to the geographical index.

Given all the emphasis on local search and blogging, it sounds like a sure buzzword bingo winner to me!

Remember, if you decide to run with this idea, advisory board shares are appreciated. I do have two kids to feed, after all!

Deep and Simple

Deep and Simple

"There is no shortage of things that are shallow and complex. We need more television, more movies, more art that is deep and simple." --Fred Rogers

If you have the chance, you should definitely read this story of one man's encounter with Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers was a big part of my childhood, and it's fascinating to learn about his life outside the show, and gratifying to discover that he was just as kind, caring, and brilliant in his private life.

Hardball At 30,000 Feet

Hardball At 30,000 Feet

This fascinating article describes how Southwest Airlines is using its foresight (and financial hedging) to bankrupt the rest of the airline industry.

Essentially, Southwest correctly predicted the rise in oil prices, and managed to lock in 85% of the fuel required for 2005 operations when oil was $26 per barrel. Now, of course, oil is over $60 a barrel.

Rather than using this hedge to fatten its profits while raising prices, Southwest has chosen to use it club its competitors like so many baby seals. Southwest's pricing is so aggressive that without its hedge, it would have lost $116 million during the first half of this year. Of course, it does have its hedge, and thus reported healthy profits of $235 million.

Other airlines are not so lucky. By keeping prices down, Southwest has forced other airlines to match. The result? Red ink.

"An increase in airfares could offset the rising fuel prices and restore some airlines to profitability, but don't expect any large price increases anytime soon. Southwest Airlines is the price leader for the U.S. airline industry. They set price levels that other airlines must match to be competitive. No other airline can substantially raise fares unless Southwest goes along, but Southwest has little incentive to raise air fares. It is in their best interest to keep fares at a level where they can be solvent and all other airlines are unprofitable. The longer Southwest is able to keep fares at today's levels, the quicker its competitors will shrink, retreat from city after city, declare bankruptcy, or possibly even liquidate. This is a war of attrition and Southwest will win as long as its fuel costs are substantially lower than other airlines."

Obviously, Southwest isn't the only airline that could have taken this hedging strategy. But it is the only one that was smart enough or foresighted enough to do so.

Oh Say Can You C

Oh Say Can You C

I'm not that bright, so I don't necessarily understand all the science behind this, but it certainly seems pretty remarkable that researchers at the Ecole Polytechnique Fédérale de Lausanne have found a way to make light go faster than the speed of light.

While this is a far cry from FTL drives and ansibles, the discovery may help lead to optical computing.