Thursday, January 14, 2010

Advice of the Day: Anger Management

I'm the last guy in the world who needs anger management advice, but this little tidbit was too good not to pass along:

"The next time you enter a conflict and your body cues start warning you of a potential melt down (Are your fists clenching? Etc), think this sentence to yourself, “Lights! Camera! Action!”

Then, act. Literally.

Will doing this feel a little awkward and weird? Sure will. But it’s better than putting your fist through the wall, isn’t it?

Now a lot of people are reading this and saying, “She’s asking me to pretend to be an actor in a movie! Keyword: acting! That’s not being true to myself!”

To which I reply: You’re absolutely right. You are acting and you are not being true to yourself. But ‘yourself’ is a fucking asshole, remember? Why would you want to be true to that, particular, ‘self?’ You, in your natural state, possess a distinct tendency to act like a raging dickhead tornado leaving nothing but pain in misery in your wake. And you want to keep that up (despite the pain you cause others) all in the name of personal honesty? Come on! Get your fucking priorities straight!"

In general, when I hear the words, "I need to be true to myself," I hear "I am a raging narcissist." The people who are really always true to themselves never have the need to advertise that fact.


Jose said...

ha, ha...brilliant! "raging d*ckhead tornadeo"...I wonder how I can weave that little nugget into everyday

Jose said...

not knowing how to spell, Jose proved to be the perfect "raging d*ckhead tornado."

Gabe Rosen said...

Chris was willing to spell out all the vowels in "dickhead", so why not you, Jose? Just as it's sometimes important to act in order to cover up our inner aggressiveness, I would argue that it's equally important to act to cover up our inner timidity.